The devil made me do it! God told me to say it! Send a hundred dollars and God will send you a thousand. Buy this miracle healing water andyou’ll never be sick again. Thanks for your offering…yeah, that’s my new jet your offerings helped me buy….hey, is that your bicycle? God is on our side….only ours. Jesus loves us….only us! Attend “our church” or “else.” Jesus is coming January 23, 2014: we’re gonna fly and you’re gonna fry! The aforementioned event may require us to cancel the 2014 Easter Bunny, Halloween, and Santa Claus celebrations at our church. Y2K absolutely was the end of the world, just like I said in my book….buy my new book and it’ll explain why you didn’t see it. That patrolman was lying about my speeding, I was not drunk and that young lady sitting in my lap was my sister. God sent me her/him for all my hard work I’ve done for Him. You got ten dollars you can give to the Lord’s work? Ummm, is that your wife?? Why you people persecutin’ us? We’re Christians. Jesus loves you. Why don’t you believe us?
Written Jan 4, 2014